Or well, at least I hope none of us will.....
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Ok, so I do make some of these mistakes myself...let me see which ones...
30 Dec 2009
Created by The Oatmeal
With this first one...do not get either of these words confused with loss either! Loss means something that is, at the most basic level, lost.
This one I have always taken to be a typo...but when I think about it we have always been taught ‘i’ before ‘e’ except after ‘c’ or when sounded as a as in neighbor and weigh....well weird this word doesn’t fit that rule. There are a few others that don’t either...hehehe, either is one of them! Neither, foreign, height, leisure, seize.
Getting these next three sets of words confused is my 2nd pet peeve (my 1st is below) that will make me not read another word that person has to say.
This next one is one that I always misspell but not with an ‘a’...I usually spell it definetly but I usually catch it when I proof read...but I don’t always proof read either!
This one is confusing for almost everyone....when people make this mistake, it can be over looked most of the time...unless it is someone that asks like they are perfect...then it is wonderful to point it out to them!
I don’t see this mistake very often...
I am guilty of this...I forget that little space ALOT! LOL!
Ok, this is it...my number 1 biggest per peeve as far as writing goes. This one is so basic...I not only can’t finish reading that particular piece (whatever it may be...article, email, IM, whatever)...I rarely look at the person in the same light ever again...most people that make this mistake repeatedly make excuses when you point it out to them and rather than learning from it, they continue to make this mistake over and over again, making themselves look like uneducated idiots!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
No, this is not a remix of the Ten Little Indians song we all learned as kids...this is serious...
The shelter, where my mom and step-dad adopted their furry little bundle of joy, sent this out on behalf of ten little dogs (ankle biters all...don’t cha know) that are in need of shelter. Yes this happens to be a plea and cry (or is that a whimper and yelp) for help...money at the moment...simply to spring these little guys from the slammer....but guess what it is NOT...
...it is not a hoax...it is very real. So, please read the below, and if you are in NC or SC (or well even if you can’t...most people still own those things that I recall being called checkbooks) and can help. please do or if you know of someone that can help...please pass this on. Thanks!
If you would feel better about it, look up the phone number (shelter name is at the bottom down there) and call them, before you just go off all willy-nilly sending money around the world!
There are 10 little dogs really need your help.
These dogs were confiscated by animal control from a backyard
breeder/hoarder situation in NC. The officer said the conditions they
were in were horrible. They were living in crates in their own filth.
Surprisingly, considering their condition, The dogs actually have
good temperaments and are not really afraid of humans. We should be
able to find them homes!
These little ones are coming to Dreamweaver Farms: The dogs are: 2
male & 1 female shih tzus, 2 male mini poodles, 3 female toy poodles
and 1 male & 1 female maltese.
The animal shelter they are in are requiring us to pay upfront the
fees associated with them. We are paying $ 55 for the males and $ 80
for the females.
Please help us get these little ones to safety and let these little
guys have a better start to their New Year!! You can mail a check to:
Carolina Poodle Rescue, Business Office, 10901 Reidville Rd, Greer, SC
29651. Or visit our website www.carolinapoodlerescue.org
and click on any of the donation options
to contribute for them. In the memo section specify 10 dogs.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Hey...please take a few minutes read some of what this mom and her kids have gone through and are still going through...then take a look at the petition to help them....sign if you are so inclined to do so. Thanks in advance for your time, I’m sure it means alot to these kids and their mom!
Petition to Reunite Lora Brislin with her two daughters Megan and Elizabeth: We, the undersigned, are standing together in an attempt to speak for these little ones who are not allowed to speak for themselves and, in order to prevent further destruction in their lives, we are asking that this case be revisited and that The Truth finally be brought into The Light so that justice can prevail: http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/reunite-lora-brislin-two-daughters
Take Action and Sign Now!
Here is their story:
Lora Brislin is the mother of two daughters ages 6 and 4. Lora has not spoken to or seen her daughters since April of this year (2009). In May Judge Phyllis Miller of Gwinnett County, Georgia ordered that ALL custody and visitation be taken from Lora, and that the girls be in the sole custody of their father and his new wife.
Lora endured 5 years of physical and mental abuse at the
hands of her former husband, the father of their 2 girls. During which time he, repeatedly hit Lora as well as stalked, harassed, and verbally abused her.
During their marriage the father wanted nothing to do with their two daughters. When Lora finally found the courage to leave her abuser in October of 2006, the father suddenly became adamant in 2007 after advice of his attorney to start exercising his visitation because he was not doing so. Not only did he get visitation of these children, he began threatening to take custody away from Lora Brislin.
Lora has been the one, for two years now who has had to endure a battery of psychological tests, chastisement and ridicule from the courts, and little help on the part of law enforcement officials. For two years, Ms. Brislin has heard numerous pleas of help from her daughters and has tried to make the courts listen to her and her children and, once and for all, hear the TRUTH. Instead, she was laughed at by the courts, told she was making false allegations against their father, and was a menace to her children. On May 7, 2009 the father was awarded sole custody and Lora was to have no contact with her daughters whatsoever by their Judge who has since been disbarred this July 2009.
The father served a lengthy term in jail as a result of his criminal activity. In one of his previous marriages, not only did he also abuse his former wife as well. He abandoned his son and gave up his parental rights in exchange for child support (not having to pay).
Lora Brislin, along with the undersigned, is confused by this outrageous injustice by the court. Ms. Brislin is not the only loving and responsible mother who has had her children literally ripped from her arms and placed in the sole custody of an abusive father. We are asking that this case be reopened and investigated. We ask that this egregious injustice be dealt with, and that Lora and her daughters be reunited. If the sisters were placed in a neutral setting during this process and their safety assured to them, they would most likely state that they do not feel safe with their father and wish to be able to live with their mother. They were “whipped” into silence and at one point made to say it was their mother who was the alleged molester when they were accompanied by their father to interviews.
This grave misuse of power cannot be stood for! Clearly there is some reason other than simply poor judgment on the part of the courts that has caused Lora Brislin to lose all contact with her children. No matter what that hidden agenda might be, if the court decision is allowed to stand the Gwinnett County court system will be continuing to place these children in harms way and be punishing their mother for trying to protect them! NO CHILD OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN THIS STATE CAN BE CONSIDERED SAFE IF WE CANNOT GET THESE SISTERS SAFE!
There are men and women all over the country as well as all over the world, who are watching to see what is done about this horrific case of court-ordered abuse. We believe that if government officials do not intervene in cases like this in which a clear misuse of power has destroyed the lives of two young children and their mother, then the government should be seen as, not only negligent, but as condoning this outrageous behavior on the part of judges who seemingly, has to answer to no one!
Our family court system was supposed to have been put in place for the purpose of aiding families, and in cases where abuse is involved, supporting the protective parent, thereby ensuring the safety of innocent and defenseless children. In this case, however, it appears that the very system that was put into place for the purpose of protecting children is, instead, aiding in the traumatizing of these helpless victims.
Update December 8, 2009: I just wanted to let members know that though we have been threatened legal action if this and similar sites were not taken down, this will not deter us in our fight for TRUTH and JUSTICE. We are not interested in clouding issues, we want to bring the truth into the light and if this upsets people, then they must have… something to hide. We have obviously hit a nerve and we got a reaction. We will continue to advocate for the Brislin sisters until a true, ethical and indepth investigation is completed. Not limited to polygraphs and the reopening of former documented evidence.
Petition to Reunite Lora Brislin with her two daughters Megan and Elizabeth: We, the undersigned, are standing together in an attempt to speak for these little ones who are not allowed to speak for themselves and, in order to prevent further destruction in their lives, we are asking that this case be revisited and that The Truth finally be brought into The Light so that justice can prevail: http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/reunite-lora-brislin-two-daughters
Take Action and Sign Now!
Save 6 and 4 year old Sisters from Court Ordered Abuse Facebook Page:
Partnership Against Domestic Violence (PADV), Georgia (Education, Safety Planning, Shelter, Advocacy): http://www.padv.org
Saturday, November 14, 2009
...TOO much! I usually don’t use my blog to update people but this is the quickest way for me to do it this time...
First off my dad is in the hospital, he is doing better. He has pancreatitis and gallstones; they are talking about removing the gallbladder on Monday, but that is not set in stone yet. I have not been up there yesterday or today (only two days I haven’t went to the hospital) to see him, but will be doing so tomorrow...hopefully talking to the doctor or nurse tomorrow to find out more about Monday.
My son started basketball this week and so far he is really liking it. He is a little sore but ok otherwise. The football coach is letting them use the weight room before practice and he tried that on Thursday...I think that is why he is so sore last two days. Their first game isn’t until Dec. 3rd. I think they are planning to practice during their Thanksgiving break even. They have that whole week off here.
I’m not getting much time to get anything done or to be online because the hospital is about 45 minutes in one direction and the school is about 20 minutes in the opposite direction. The hospital did finally extend the visiting hours so now I won’t be rushing back and forth at least....
My dog is also doing much better...she spent about a week not walking or putting any weight on one of her back legs and I thought it was the cold damp weather make her hips hurt since she is so big and I’m fairly certain she has hip dysplasia. But yesterday and today she was fine and fully of energy and jumping around, so now I am thinking that she just hurt that leg last weekend when the kids had her outside playing and throwing the ball.
I finally got my first appointment with the VA docs up here, all my med records and everything were transferred finally. I spent about 6 1/2 hours there on Thursday. This new doc agrees with the last one that I probably have fibromyalgia, but she has ordered testing to rule out multiple sclerosis. She had me do xrays and a full blood work up while there and is scheduling a couple different MRI’s and a CAT scan and something else that I can’t remember. One of the tests it to check for TBI and make sure that raised area behind my ear is not a crack in my skull....which she doesn’t think it is, but she wants to make sure.
I should be getting my appointment schedules this coming week for all the testing and the other consults she put in for me to see other docs too.
She added two new meds to help me with the pain that I am having through my shoulders, upper back and down my side. These are also supposed to help with the ‘electric shock’ sensations that I am having randomly....I hope so! LOL! So far I have only taken one of the new meds and so far all it has done is make me high...LOL! Tomorrow I am going to try to other one.....so we shall see.
Well, I think that about sums it up!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
In an effort to get myself organized I have been trying to find ways to cut down on the amount of time I spend looking for articles and topics to blog about on my various other blogs....we all know I am not looking for this blog, since it sits unattended most of the time.
I have found that I can now have my Google Alerts sent into Google Reader. So now not only are the blogs I’m following all in one place, so are my keyword news alerts. When I open Google Reader each morning it is like opening a personalized newspaper! This has cut down on the clutter in my email inbox also.
I’ve also learned that I can add my Shared and Starred Items from reader to my blogs, you can see that I did that here a while back. This now allows me to just share or star an article in Google Reader, rather than having to go copy and paste it into a new blog post for my own blog. I have always felt that I shouldn’t do that anyway, but when I want to share an article with my blog readers, sharing just the link is usually not a good idea. Most links disappear eventually, and well if someone comes to my blog and finds nothing but disabled links on several entries, they probably won’t come back. The boxes on my blogs with my Starred and Shared items only hold up to 10 article links, and are refreshed every time I add to them...thus alleviating the problem!
Then I started thinking about my email issues....I mean, I have WAY too many email accounts...hell I am not that busy or important to need that many different email addresses. However, when I started trying to eliminate some of them, I soon realized WHY I have them all and that actually NONE of them could be deleted. So now what, if I take the time each day to check each one, I would get nothing else done. So, I forwarded ALL of them into my one main email account with GMail. I even set up that account so that when I get emails from the other accounts I can respond right there from my main account but the ‘from’ field will have the email addy that the original email was sent to!
This is nothing new, and I have had this set up in the past. However, about 8 months ago I decided to give Outlook 2007 a try (I hated it, and quickly went back to checking Gmail online). While I was trying it out though and sending test messages to and from my different accounts to ensure that all were forwarding into Outlook correctly I noticed that when I’d send an email from one of my secondary account addy’s from my main account that it showed BOTH email addresses in Outlook. It would say something like
Well, that wasn’t good, so I went in and stopped ALL my accounts from forwarding to my main Gmail account, because I thought what was the point if my personal email addy was going to show up anyway. Well, recently I decided to put it all back to forwarding in to my personal account. I just don’t care anymore, if my personal account shows up also! But, at least I do know it happens, so if in the future I have something to send and make up an email addy that is ‘not associated’ with my real name and personal account, then I know not to send it THROUGH my personal account!
Since I do alot of blogging that could be classified as Advocacy or Activism I have looked at whether or not I could combine some of my blogs....but thinking at this time that just wouldn’t work.
I have gotten my Tweetdeck columns more refined now, which saves me time in searching for certain people that always have good tweets. And, with twitterfeed I have set up many of my blogs and some that belong to others to auto tweet when posted to. A couple of people ask me why I auto tweet other peoples blogs....well, because I read those blogs everyday, and was tweeting all their articles anyway, so why not automate it....a few minutes are saved and I have more time for other things!! I also have my facebook and myspace accounts set up in tweetdeck, so that I send to all three at same time if I want. And I linked my Twitter account to my Facebook account so that the auto tweets are posted to Facebook too.
All in all I think my self-organization project is working well. I have been making slight changes over the last few weeks, but overall....I am saving some time in what I am doing!!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
This is a copy of the speech written by Gail Lakritz and given today by Angela Warren at the Pueblo Colorado Conference. This speech was given to judges, police, lawyers and DV advocates.
How Abusers Use The Court System To Continue to Victimize Their Partners and Children
When a woman finally makes that decision to end the abuse and to flee the abusive situation, she rightfully expects that the police, her lawyers and the courts will protect her and her children from further harm. Being a member of the Sheriff's Posse, that is what I was thought. After all, the courts always operate solely by the law, correct? (Scan audience for nods of agreement) We all know that does not happen and that is why I was so confused by my litigation. When injustice reared its ugly head, it flew in the face of everything I thought our country stood for, and, as with most victims of abuse, I came to realize that the system is stacked against the victim.
Today, I want to speak to you about some of the ways the abuser will use the system to further the abuse during the litigation process. It is my hope that, by exposing these tactics, you will recognize in your peers, and perhaps yourselves, what is being done has real, and all too often, deadly consequences.
The litigation abuse begins the moment the abuser is arrested. He plays on the sympathy of the arresting officers. He will use excuses to enlist them in his game. He is, after all, a master at deception. He has years of practice. He is the person who can look you straight in the eye and lie. During the ride to the lock up, he will say things like "She is an alcoholic or a drug addict", "She is always picking on the kids" or "She takes all the money and spends it on herself and we never have enough to eat." Anything that will garner sympathy and sway them to lessen the severity of what is written in the arrest report. And, being taught to spot the antagonist of a situation as they true perpetrator of the situation, the police officer, who is generally male, will empathize with the abuser, and slant his report to favor the abuser. He will ignore what he has been taught, that the victim is most often the one who is hysterical and angry at having been attacked and side with the often calm and rational sounding architect of the situation. And the abuser has gained his first needed corner stone to further the abuse, for in the future, any calls to 911 will be met with skepticism by the police and all future reports of violence will be seen as insane acts by the actual victim.
During the booking process and his appearance for arraignment, when the victim is not present to hear what is being said to the magistrate, he will again repeat his reasons for the attack. Laying the blame on the victim. Now he has widened his circle of conspirators. Word will filter from these people to the Bailiff and on to the judge that there were "extenuating circumstances" that predicated the attack.
Now, as we all know, the key to any successful litigation is money. With money, comes the right lawyers and a venue that is considered to be the "home turf" for that lawyer. Abusers control the money, therefore, they can afford the lawyers who consider winning to be the sole measure of success, not the just application of the law.
In each court system in America, there are lawyers that are known to be the "dirty trick" lawyers. They are the ones who use often unethical and illegal means to deny the Constitutional Rights of a litigant and victim. They will look the other way, or outright encourage, the use of terror tactics against a victim. Judges and other lawyers within the local Bar Association know who these practitioners are will look the other way. In some court systems, judges will actually instruct new lawyers with "I don't care what you do in my courtroom so long as I am not investigated" leaving the avenue open for them to ply their brand of law in any manner they see fit. The idea is to win, not to be just. The abuser will seek out these lawyers, perhaps getting the name of one from a police officer or someone else in the system who just happens to be overheard talking or from another inmate in the lock up.
So now, the abuser has assembled his "dream team". The police, the dirty tricks lawyer and the complacent judge. What more could he ask for than to have swayed the system and set the victim up for further abuse? The abuser will get a slap on the wrist, be sent to Anger Management and, in some jurisdictions, have his record of abuse sealed. In Anger Management, the prep will learn new and better ways of abusing. He will learn to abuse without leaving the outward marks that would land him back in jail. He will hone his skills, through the knowledge passed on by other perpetrators attending these sessions. The things that worked for them will be shared in group in the form of "I reacted to the situation by...." You fill in the blank, as each and every one of you know the tactics, know how the pain can be caused both mentally and physically to a victim without leaving the marks or a trail of abuse.
The first thing the abuser will do after being released from jail is to widen his circle of allies. His dirty tricks lawyer has instructed him to get out in front of his victim, and being the superior liar that he is, he is only too willing to accommodate. Generally, abusers are loners, having few friends and having disassociated themselves from family. He has allowed only minimal if any contact between his victim and her family. He will suddenly become the "social butterfly" contacting people to enlist their help, always with the story of having been the victim in the situation. Neighbors that were shunned by him in the past are now become his confidants. Whispers of abuse by the victim are passed from one person to another. This serves two purposes. It provides a support system for the abuser as well as removing any hope of support for the victim.
The next step to the tried and true method of using the system to abuse is to make the victim seem insane to the system. The abuser or one of his allies will begin the relentless process of attacks that are designed to discredit. Break-ins of the home of the victim are a common means as are well placed phone calls where the abuser uses threats, such as the victim never seeing her children again. An abuser will actually enlist the help of the unwitting child, promising rewards of gifts or, if teenagers, no boundaries to live by. The abuser will reward the child for such things as removing evidence against the abuser from the victims home, lying to police or being complacent about what was witnessed in an incident. Often, no system of reward is needed. It is fear of the abuser, that places the child in the unenviable situation of having to lie. The child senses what will cause the wrath of the abuser to rise against them. If you come away from this presentation with anything, this is the one piece of information I hope you retain. The cycle of abuse is learned and continued by this one tactic alone, using the children as tools of abuse. Any person within the system who even suggests that the abuser use this tactic is guilty of nothing less than murder. (Scan the audience to see who is squirming or looks disinterested and focus your eyes on them for a split second. They are a guilty party.)
Police, having been repeatedly told that the victim is insane, will respond to such things as break-ins as a sign that the abuser is correct in his assessment of the victim. All too often, the abuser will leave something that informs the victim he was there, but at the point in time that the police are called, the victim will not know what is missing, if anything. Sometimes the victim will find veiled death threats, a picture that only the victim and her abuser knows the meaning of, a cartoon left on the computer screen, that is meant to frighten and intimidate. A tire will be slashed when her car is hidden from public view, mementos that have little or no monetary value will be missing. Reporting these incidents to the police enforce the abuser's position. And, when the victim turns to her lawyer for help, if she has one, she is told to ignore all violations of her home and person. You see, it takes two lawyers to execute a well choreographed legal Tango, and by this time, the repeated calls to the police by the victim, the well placed lies by the perpetrator, and, with the assistance of the complacent judge, her lawyer has been won over to not assist in any meaningful manner. Thus the victim is turned into the abuser and seen only as a source of possible revenue for her own lawyer who will offer little if any assistance in seeing that justice is blind, not blinded by gold. ( Pick out a person you have predetermined to be guilty and look directly at them)
During the actual litigation process, there will be a number of players that will be easily swayed by the events that have lead up to this process. GALs and CLRs are swayed by having contact with the abuser and his ever growing stable of allies, lawyers, police and judges. If the children are afraid of the abuser, they dare not say anything to these people that would endanger themselves. Social workers, mental health professionals, even medical doctors who rely on the system for income will not oppose the well built facade of the abuser and his well scripted theater of abuse.
At this point, I would like to see a show of hands. How many of you are judges? Please raise your hands. Keep your hands raised, please. How many are police officers? Keep your hands raised, please. How many of you are lawyers who represent abuse victims exclusively? Good, now if you could all stand up and look around. Do you recognize people from your own court systems in this room? Isn't it nice to know that some of the people who are not standing could, and I emphasis the word could, be manipulating you? (Pause for about 10 seconds) Thank you, you may all be seated.
How do the dirty tricks lawyers actually manipulate? First, talk is cheap, and the dirty tricks lawyer and his client never seem to run out of voice. They will take every chance to influence the judge and the opposition lawyer if there is one, the GAL and CLR, the therapist and mental health evaluator , the social worker, shelter workers and people in the Court Clerk's office. Ex parte is common and rampant in any court system. It can't be stopped unless you, the judges, choose to stop it. A few well placed words prior to the opening of court, the happened, but planned, introduction of the abuser to you prior to proceedings so that you can see how likeable this person is and to get his side, again getting out ahead of the opposition in the litigation. Tools used to put a human face on an inhuman act of violence.
During the early stages of the litigation, the dirty tricks lawyer and an abuser will go for the "all or nothing" approach to a custody question. The abuser, and his lawyer, being confident in the groundwork they have already laid, will not present a parenting plan. They will often seek to move out of the jurisdiction, often so far away from the abused, as to effectively terminate all parental rights. The abused, on the other hand will present a generous plan which will include more time with the abuser than a court would normally mandate. The judge, being the Solomon of the court, knows he cannot split a child down the middle, will have to award temporary custody to one parent or another, and this is usually to the person who already has "possession" of the child at the time of the hearing. (make the hand sign for quotes when you say the word possession). If the victim was forced to flee without the child, or if the child happens to be visiting the abuser at the time of the hearing, guess who gets the temporary custody? Yup, the abuser.
This is the beginning of the motions process. The abuser's lawyer will file motions with the court, often filing them back to back, and always asking for contempt sanctions against the victim. If the victim is unrepresented, this confuses and terrorizes her. If she is one of the fortunate ones, one of the women who was able to afford a lawyer, and motions and subpoenas are filed on her behalf, they are ignored by the dirty tricks lawyer. In the meantime, if she is Pro Se, her filings are ignored by the clerk's office or disappear all together. It never ceases to amaze me how often victims report missing filings, even whole files of proceedings that have gone missing. I can only surmise how it could happen, all of which violate state law. When she asks for a subpoena which must go through the courts for approval, the subpoena that is received for service contains errors made by the person who entered it into the system, precluding the effectiveness of that subpoena. These errors would only be obvious to a trained lawyer, thereby giving the dirty tricks lawyer a reason to quash.
The motions process will offer more ample opportunities for the dirty tricks lawyer to ply his trade. He will mail important filings to the wrong address, often transposing the actual numbers, to prevent receipt in time for rebuttal. He will refuse to accept mail from the Pro Se and then claim that it was not sent to him. He will state a date and time verbally, but put another date and time in writing, often bolding it to attract attention to the erroneous information. He will send a copy of a minor issue in a motion, with proof of mailing, and have a second copy hand served. The problem with this is that he has actually filed two separate motions with the court, one of paramount importance and the one of minor importance. He will then have proof of two separate deliveries to the victim and state that the one hand served was in reference to the major issue while the one mailed was in reference to the minor issue. Of course, he will blame all of this on the victim. She gave me the wrong address, I never got it, she was served and I have the proof.
Depositions are an extremely useful tool for the trickster. Though most states follow the rules of the Federal Courts for deposition, tricksters do not. As all lawyers know, the only time depositions should be used is when information cannot be gotten by subpoena. The dirty tricks lawyer will force deposition to make the victim face her abuser in an environment controlled by the trickster. One deposition trick will be to inform the pro se that a date and time for a deposition of his client has been set. He will send a list of questions to be asked, and state that the deposition will be limited to these questions. This offers the opportunity to pound the Pro Se with intimidation and terrorist tactics of threats. It also forces the Pro Se into setting up a second deposition of her own. Not knowing that it is not required to submit questions in advance, the Pro Se will dutifully submit the entire list of questions to the trickster, giving him time to concoct answers that would favor him. And lest the abuser make a mistake, there is nothing to worry about. The Court Reporter in attendance is one favored by the lawyer. One only need to Google the search term "Changed Transcripts" to confirm this is a common practice. The number of hits are well in excess of 7,000,000.
Proffers are useful when it comes to the dirty tricks lawyer. It is not uncommon for them to submit Proffers to the Pro Se that are never filed with the courts. These are filled with the lies that the abuser intends on in court and are designed to see which arguments are going to be used to counteract the lies in court.
Surprise witnesses are the life blood of the trickster. No subpoena has been issued to these people to appear, but they just happen to be in the area when the court date came up. Judges have a duty to curtail the use of these convenient witnesses, but seldom do, preferring to overrule objections. Often, they are nothing more than hired guns for the defense, parroting whatever the trickster wants them to say. There is often no rebuttal for their testimony, as the Pro Se or her lawyer had no time to prepare for their appearance.
Witness tampering is blatantly illegal but used by the dirty trick lawyer and his client at every turn. All that is needed is for the potential witness to be mislead with a story of the victim being the true abuser, and after all, if they testify, they would be putting the children, and perhaps themselves, in danger. Surely, anyone in their right mind would not want to testify under these circumstances, given that few people are willing to testify in the first place. If that doesn't work, there is intimidation of the witness. Most people have something in their backgrounds they would prefer no one find out. The dirty tricks lawyer is a master at using innuendo and sources like police, family and acquaintances to find that one skeleton. If that doesn't work, there is always the avenue of the witness's employer. Innuendo can be placed in letters to the employer from the lawyer stating that this or that has never been cleared.
In his bag, the dirty trick lawyer and his client rely on the assistance of Child Protective Services. If a direct call from his client does not produce the desired response, there is always the "innocent and disconnected" third party report. These reports can vary from the upper end of sexual abuse or exploitation of the child to reports that the mother is furnishing drugs to the child to such things as a child being left alone. In one case I know of, the GAL was talked into calling CPS when a teenage boy overdosed. What the GAL forgot to report was that the 15 year old had arrived from his father's home with a plastic bag full of pills, and when the mother discovered them, he grabbed them and downed them in an attempt to get rid of the evidence. The same mother was accused of leaving the than 16 year old alone for two hours by the same GAL. Again the GAL left out a very important fact. The child was at the home of a friend.
Court orders are often altered to reflect what the attorney and abuser wants. One mother, while living here in Colorado heard a knock on her door one day. The father, who had never once exercised his visitation, had moved five years previously to Washington state. He went to the local Colorado police with an altered court order for full custody of the son, than 7 years old. No one questioned the validity of the order, in fact, the police were only too willing to help him in removing the child from the mother. She never saw her son again. She was able to locate him last year in a suburb of Seattle, but now 20, he has had it drilled into his head that she wanted nothing to do with him and had willing given him up.
If all else fails, there is always the use of Parental Alienation to fall back on. Dr. Richard Gardner, using no identifiable research and much to the consternation of all recognized authorities, first placed this Syndrome in the minds of the courts to discredit mothers and to help men save on alimony and child support payments. We are all familiar with the theory that states that the mother is toxic to the relationship between the father and his children and that the only true cure for this toxicity is to severely limit visitation or to remove it all together. Abusers and their attorneys love to use PAS. It is one of the most effective forms of abuse of the victim.
Through all the court abuse, and I have only touched on some of the verifiable things that women suffer in the courtroom, there is a continued onslaught from the abuser. Stalking, break-ins, destruction of property and threats of further harm to the victim are normal. Checks for alimony or child support that are never received are also widely reported. Harassment is an ongoing problem to the victim. Planting seeds of doubt of a mother's love for her child in the child's mind, any avenue an abuser can think of will be used.
All of this for one objective, to carry on the abuse. And, the players in the courtroom are all aiders and abettors to that abuse, whether they realize it or not. The crimes we allow these people to get away with are crimes that are punishable by law, and by each and every one of you allowing them to be predicated on victims of violence, you are taking part in those crimes.
Now, as one last thing, I would like some of you to take part in a fun little exercise to reinforce some of what you have heard here today. I would ask that every judge in the audience stand up and glace around the room. I want you to pick out a person here that you do not know and walk over to them and without saying a word, I want you to grasp their hand and shake it. (Wait for them to do this)
Now, again without giving this person your name, I want you to whisper in their ear the year, color and make and model of the car your closest loved one drives. Now, I want you, without giving the city or town you live in, to tell them the street address of that person. Good. You have just given someone who may be a trickster lawyer or an abuser all the information they need. You have just put your loved one in danger, possibly signing that their death warrant. Think about it and try to have a nice day.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Copied from Anonymiss
Posted October 8, 2009
The Domestic Violence Blog Carnival that we set up is now accepting article submissions for the edition that will be posted on November 2nd 2009.
This editions theme is The Effects of Domestic Violence on Children. To submit an article please visit the submission page: http://blogcarnival.com/bc/submit_8381.html. The November edition will be hosted here at Anonymiss.
If you have a suggestion for an upcoming theme or would like to host the blog carnival for an upcoming month, please send an email to: firstname.lastname@example.org with your suggestoins.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Monday, October 05, 2009
A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman
may go to choose a husband from among many men. The
store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive
attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may
choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go
back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better
than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's
further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good
looking. "Hmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking
and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very
tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up
The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking,
help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy
me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to
the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You a re visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no
men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store and
have a nice day
Friday, September 25, 2009
Maybe great minds do think alike sometimes! LOL! As our articles were posted on about the same day.
There is a problem in America, no actually it is a world wide problem. I am talking about the Family Court Systems and their various members who court order child abuse, abductions, and murders all in the name of justice being served.
This is something that has been getting to me for quite some time now and I have been mulling over how best to approach this situation from the standpoint of an ordinary person with no great reach beyond just a few people. I have decided to just write my thoughts out as they are and to for go the listing of sources and trying to back myself up.
Feel free to take my word for it or do the research on your own. I have done the research and been involved in following cases of domestic violence and child abuse for years. I know what I have experienced and what I have personally witnessed others go through. I have read tons of court documents involved in cases being heard in Family Courts, divulging any of that here would put those that have shared these at great risk.
The main point I’d like to make is this: If a crime has been committed, then report it as such. Along with that you have to report it to the proper authorities and that in my opinion is law enforcement; not a Family Court, not Child Protective Services (CPS), not Department of Human Services (DHS). None of these people can really help you and many do more harm than good.
Now, I am not trying to put any of them out of a job, or even saying that they are all bad. You have to keep in mind that in far too many instances the workers in CPS are overworked and underpaid. They initially went into the field of social work to try and make a difference and many become numbed from the atrocities that they wade through on a daily basis. Not all of these workers are bad, nor all of them good.
Reporting a crime at the time it is happening or shortly there after is usually the best route to take in protecting your children and yourself. Most of what I am going to say here applies more to domestic violence than to child abuse but they are one in the same as far as I am concerned. Both are terroristic power and control acts committed by someone that is in a position of trust to the victim.
If you are in a domestic violence situation and are facing divorce proceedings, do not rely on getting an order of protection signed by a Family Court judge. In most cases these are not worded in such a way that the violator can be arrested and the cops are not at liberty to protect you if your order isn’t worded right. Many lawyers do not even know, until it is too late the correct wording to use.
Most often what happens when there is a violation of an order of protection that has been issued in Family Court, the only recourse a victim has is to request a Contempt Hearing and tell the judge that the order was violated. Which puts the burden of proof on the victim. So, save yourself all of this hassle and just get a criminal restraining order.
I have been told many times that a victim was refused the opportunity to file for a criminal restraining order because the situation was of a family nature and thus must be heard in the Family Court. While on the surface this may sound correct it is not. Most states (I actually believe all do now) have criminal laws regarding domestic violence. Press charges. Let me repeat that, PRESS CHARGES! Once you have pressed charges ask for the restraining order. Then if it is necessary ask that any pending case hearings in the Family Court be put on hold pending the outcome of the criminal case.
When you file charges you will more than likely to be asked at some point for any evidence that a crime has been committed, so make sure you are prepared for that. Have pictures to show, witnesses to write statements anything that can prove you were assaulted. Be prepared to testify in court! You can contact the local DDV Agency for help in preparing yourself. They can also support you through this and help to minimize your fears as the court date approaches.
There is so much more involved in this that in order to cover every nuance I’d end up writing a book. There are several places online and in your local area where you can gain information about this process. The best one that I have found on line thus far is WomensLaw.org, do your research and be prepared.
If however, you have already gotten away from an abuser and are now facing him in Family Court for divorce proceedings and he is still abusing you, stalking you, or harassing you; you can still apply what I have said above. If the abuse was too long ago or you don’t have proof and can not file charges for it (or are told by the police that you can’t) , go to your local DV Agency and request help on how to proceed.
Family Court judges can not determine which one of you are telling the truth, and remember abusers are manipulative.
Lets move on to child abuse allegations after separation and/or divorce where custody is still being looked at. Even though you know your child is in danger, trying to prove that in Family Court is a waste of your time.
Calling CPS should be reserved for when there is a suspicion of child abuse, neglect, maltreatment, molestation, etc. Key word here being suspicion. It is the job of the case worker to investigate. These case workers have no power to arrest, the most they can do is call the cops once they are finished with their investigation. In most sates they have a very short amount of time to determine if that call should be made and children removed from a home.
Remember this: Abusers are manipulative. If an abuser was able manipulate their current victim into a relationship, they can definitely fool someone that doesn’t live with them and quite possibly has only met with them for a few minutes to a few hours!
If you know that you child is being abused, then call the cops. Tell your child to call the cops. Dial 911! Do not waste time with calling anyone else, do not waste time with going to a Family Court Hearing and convincing a judge that the child is being abused. Do not even waste your time trying to convince a Family Court judge that you were abused by this person. An abuser has the ability to manipulate the court officers just as easily as they can the CPS workers; or anyone else for that matter.
Yes there are a list of mandated reporters, however, even telling them will probably get you no where; as the only recourse they have is to call CPS since they are not a direct witness of the abuse.
If your child tells you anything at all, do not question them further. Doing so will probably only get you accused of prompting them and you could even loose custody.
If you have already lost custody and you know there is abuse going on, educate and empower your child. Tell them about 911. Tell them about calling the cops. Yes, it will be hard for them; but I dare to say not as hard as what they are already going through.
The reason I suggest calling the cops for everything, is that quite frankly they are the only ones that can arrest someone right then and there. Cops are also trained in a different type of investigative skills than social workers and Family Court officials. They are trained to deal with investigating crimes, and after all domestic violence, child abuse and molestation ARE crimes. By law they can be more intrusive with their investigation and can uncover evidence that social workers are not allowed to even look for.
I will agree that not all cops are good; as with any profession there are bad and good mixed. We do hear far more about the bad people in all professions than we do the good ones which taints our opinions of all in that certain field. I myself as a victim of domestic violence years ago was let down by the police on more than one occasion. Each time I was in the hospital from a beating received at the hands of my abuser. I actually had a cop tell me then that there was no way for me to prove who beat me up because my abuser said he wasn’t home when it happened. End of case.
But, I can tell you this...laws have changed since then, drastically! I can also tell you that if I were to ever find myself in another abusive relationship I would not hesitate to call the cops again, even after being failed by them in the past.
Please feel free to leave comments below on what I have said. If you are in a situation and need help in finding resources feel free to email me at email@example.com I will not reply to those that email me to argue or even to debate, we can to that here through our public comments. I will only answer those that are seriously in need of help in locating resources that will help them!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
All women and teen girls need to watch this short news clip! Please pass on to any female you know. With Domestic Violence Awareness Month right around the corner this is the perfect time to share this story with all that you know.
A North Idaho woman, Rose Turner, nearly killed in a shootout with her estranged husband, Rick Turner, is now speaking out to about her personal experience with domestic violence as a warning to others.
I think this could be really useful as many others have said and yet I also feel that this could be a spammers playground just waiting to happen! I plan to use it though and play with it, put the word out about it and see where it goes. I'm all about new things with technology and checking out new gadgets and things of this nature. It will either work or it won't and then we are all still moving forward on to the next new thing.in reference to:
- Google Sidewiki (view on Google Sidewiki)
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Okay, so I’m shopping Craigs List to get some baby things and I come across this post and just HAD to open it to see what they REALLY wanted….
Child Bearer WantedInside the post said:
Want door way bearer. Needed to keep a pet out of certain areas. Please call (then gave phone number).
I have to admit I was wondering what kind of person would post an ad in the kids/baby section for a child bearer…I mean really, that sounds more like it should be in the personals LOL.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
This is based on the non-custodial mother (NCM) being non-custodial due to a custody battle with the child’s father or other family member. This is not for those that are removed by Child Protective Services or another agency of the sort. The following are examples of things that you should not ever say to a protective mother who has lost her kids (or is fighting to protect them) through the court to her abuser or even worse to the abuser of the child.
So, please keep this in mind as you read what NCM’s have had others say to them, why it is the wrong thing to say. I have collected and added direct quotes from some NCM’s that for safety reasons are not named. Imagine how you would feel after losing your kids to an abuser if these things were said to you.
I have written this article from the perspective of a life coach not only of NCM’s, but of abuse victims and advocates as well. I noticed that there was a common thread of victims telling me what people were saying to them; as well as advocates saying that they had said something and couldn’t understand the reaction they received. This is intended to be a brief overview for advocates, friends and family; as well as to show NCM’s everywhere that they are NOT alone or crazy!
Your kids will come back to you. The first thing that goes through a mothers mind when this is said to her is “What when they are 18, and no longer know where I am?” Because until then the child can not decide (in most states) and even if they could they are basically being held hostage by an abuser. So, NO, the kid will not just magically reappear or ‘come back’. Do not say things that could sound patronizing or even promising to a mother who is in fear for her children, it is never taken the way you may mean it. Along these same lines are some other similar things that moms have been told:
- Your child will be 18 years old, in 8 years, then you can see them. (What loving parent wants to wait that long to see their child? Especially when that child is being abused or mistreated.)
- The abusive father will give the child back to you as soon as they are a teenager. (Not only is this not true, but if you can admit that he is abusive then you must also admit that he should not be raising the child; and therefore rather than tell the mother to just sit around and wait, you should provide help in getting the child away from the abuser.)
- You'll get your kids back (How do you know she will get her kids back, when will this happen, etc. These are the things the mom thinks when this is said; so if you can’t answer those questions then don’t make the statement.)
You must not be telling me the whole story There are mothers all over this country ( and others) that have lost or are loosing custody of their children to abusive fathers. Non-abusive fathers do not fight to take their kids away from mothers that have done nothing wrong to the children or put them at risk in some way. Abusers are very good at manipulation and control, they accuse their victims of the very same things they have done. Protective mothers are emotional about their kids being in danger; as all good parents are. Abusers can remain calm, cool and collected throughout the custody battle because they really just do not care about anyone but themselves; therefore they do not get emotional. Rarely will they ever show their abusive side to others...only their victims get to see that. Many victims of domestic violence are not believed for these reasons. So one of the worst things you can do is to blame the victim by showing your disbelief in the situation in this way. Other comments similar to this that should also be avoided are:
- He couldn't have been all that bad, the court would NEVER give children to a child molester or an abuser (This, sadly, is just not the case for the reasons that I described above)
- If the mistreatment was really so bad your child would be complaining more, and be trying to get out herself. (Many adult victims can not get out of abusive situations, what would make anyone think that a child could do any better?)
- I don't really believe _________, this just sounds so unbelievable, it can not be true. (No matter what that blank is filled in with, it is just cruel to say this to a mother in this type of situation.)
The following are just heartless and cruel when you think of them in this context. How would any sane, protective parent feel if told they must let their child live with a pedophile or an abuser? Many mothers are threatened by jail if they continue to make ‘false’ reports. Once jailed they know there is absolutely nothing they can do to help their children.
- You'll get through this (How?)
- Just don't think about it and move on (How does one forget about a child that is being abused and just move on?)
- Get over it (How?)
- Think of your other two kids, focus on them
- You have to forget this child, & move on with your life
Religious references Not all religious references to the situation are unwelcomed. Offering to pray with or for a mother and her children are usually taken as they are meant; with kindness. How please do not say the following unless you are prepared right then and there to get out the religious text I say this as all people are not Christian and therefore not everyone uses a Bible to back up the statements) where this can be found; show and explain it. Even then the pain and heartache that the mother are going through may cloud her being receptive to turning to religion as she has done in the past for other matters.
- God never gives you more than you can handle
- You just have to pray harder, God will listen then
- You must have strayed, God doesn’t let this type of thing happen to people who believe in him
- God is testing you
Judicial References Making statements or giving advice that are illegal are first off just bad practice, do not tell a mom to just ‘go get her kids’; without first knowing what you are talking about. Many people in this country (and others) are very blinded to what really happens in family court rooms, until it happens to them. Sometimes it is the money involved (in various ways), sometimes it is the fact that the abuser is manipulating the court officers; but regardless of the reason, it is happening. Saying things like the following are counter-productive for a mother in a custody battle (or who has already lost custody) to hear and contemplate.
- Just get the judge removed or change the venue (Not as easy as it sounds, if you are going to say this; back it up with a plan and some help in doing so. This can happen is some cases but not many)
- You can't fight the system (This is basically telling the mom to forget and let it go. Very discouraging and harmful!)
- Judges and Lawyers are honest, they take an oath OR What did you do to have the judge dislike you? (Judges and Lawyers are people just like the rest of us and can be bought and paid for as well as manipulated by abusers)
- They don't deny people their civil rights in America OR Corruption doesn't exist in America, Russia, yes, America, no (This is a very dangerous and naive assumption to make)
- Court records don't just disappear. Are you sure you filed them (Again, don’t blame the victim and further the abuse by helping her abuser make her think she is crazy and incompetent. As important as her kids are; NO she didn’t forget to file anything!)
- The courts write up the decision, not lawyers (Decisions are made between lawyers all the time outside the courtroom, all the Judge does is then sign whatever they say has been agreed upon.)
- GALs are there to protect the children (Again, they are also people. Yes, it is their job to protect children but they too can be manipulated by an abuser.)
- Women say they or their children are being abused so they will win in court. They are all false accusers (This happens in so few cases that it isn’t worth going into.)
- You don't know how to pick a lawyer: if you wore more makeup when you initially meet with your lawyer, maybe they would decide to take the case. (Totally irrelevant!)
Quotes from moms who have experienced first hand some of the things discussed above:
A co-worker looked me in the eyes and said, "Wow. My ex-wife had to majorly fuck up for me to get custody. What did you do to lose?" Then, the day I lost my kids, my fiancé said: "Set a date today. Now that you don't have kids anymore, you have no excuse to put it off." "You can move in immediately, and now we can live anywhere we want because you don't have your kids holding us back anymore."~~A mom, after loosing custody to an abuser.
I loved (sarcasm) when people would say - well you married him. Or even better - why didn't you get the house? I think the biggest is you must have done something wrong. I love the ones who say to me now that I should just not let her go to her dads. Like yeah okay that would be the fastest way for me to lose custody. ~~Mz P
There are so many things that could be added here! Please leave comments on this article to help others understand!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
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Saturday, August 22, 2009
Do you feel like you are the only one in your situation?
Do you want to share your story (even anonymously)?
Are you a blogger that that writes/read domestic violence pieces?
If any of these apply to you then you should check out: Violence UnSilenced where you can read stories of survivors, share your own story, or take the pledge!
Friday, August 21, 2009
From the Desk of Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
Friday August 21, 2009
Dear Battered One,
If you think the abuse is over because you want it to
be, wake up and smell the crazy-making brewing.
Now we know this sounds harsh. Our goal is to
help you deal with the realities of being in and
leaving an abusive relationship.
The nature of the beast is to make you wrong,
to save face, to discredit you, to silence you...
all the while lo...
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Wish there was somewhere near enough for me to take a weekend ‘away’ for $19! I can sleep in a sleeping bag and bring my own tp, especially if it is inside and they have a SPA!!!!!
California resort offers $19 'survivor' package
SAN DIEGO (Reuters) - For their one-and-only family getaway this year, the Billingtons checked in to an upscale San Diego resort on Sunday with many of the usual vacation accessories -- bathing suits, board games and golf clubs.
But they also brought flashlights, sleeping bags and an inflatable mattress because the pool-side room they booked for just $19 comes with a tent where the beds normally would be. They even had to pack their own toilet paper.
While many of Southern California's luxury hotels are battling a severe slump in business by offering extra services and more amenities, the Rancho Bernardo Inn is luring guests with the exact opposite -- no frills and barely any basics.
Called the "Survivor Package," the hotel's deeply discounted promotion lets patrons trim its standard $219-per-night rate on a sliding scale of deprivation, lowering charges with each amenity stripped from the room.
The most basic version: a room for $19 with no bed, toilet paper, towels, air-conditioning or "honor bar," and only a single light bulb in the bathroom for safety. The next level up adds in a bed -- sans sheets -- for $39 a night. For a bed plus toiletries and toilet paper, the rate is $59.
Maureen Carew, assistant general manager of the four-star inn, called the promotion "clever marketing in a downtime."
Herman Billington, 39, a personal trainer who owns his own business, says it's the only vacation he, his wife and their two sons, aged 9 and 10, plan to take this year as they concentrate on "keeping it lean."
"The boys get to feel like they're camping, and I get to go to the spa," said their mother, Erica Billington, 37.
Luxury hotels and resorts have fallen on hard times during the recession, as corporate travel planners shy away from lavish spending and consumers plan thrifty, if any, vacations.
Across the industry, occupancy rates have dropped about 10 percent Carew said. The slump has pushed room rates down, with many of California's more luxurious properties throwing in a breakfast, a round of golf or extra night's stay for free.
The outlook for the rest of 2009 is bleak, according to Smith Travel Research, which predicts that U.S. hotel revenue per available room will fall 17 percent and demand will drop 5.5 percent by the end of the year.
Carew said Rancho Bernardo's promotion drew more than 420 reservations, including 240 bookings at the $19 rate and 116 at the $39 rate.
Like the Billingtons, mortgage banker Brian Sciutto, 36, is watching his pennies. His Sunday night stay at the hotel is his first getaway in two years, though he brought his iPhone and mail from home to keep busy.
"I feel like I'm on vacation but I'm not," Sciutto said as he enjoyed the cool breeze blowing in from the golf course outside. "I feel like I'm being spoiled for 19 bucks."
(Reporting by Laura Isensee, editing by Steve Gorman and Sandra Maler)
Friday, August 07, 2009
I have been spending some time over the last few weeks crocheting and getting caught up on some of my projects that I wanted to get finished....but then a couple new projects popped up and well, I still haven't finished the old ones yet! I joined ravelry.com (my profile there is: mary1293 ) and today decided to start getting things set up there. I am liking it so far! Although the thought of entering my ENTIRE stash is daunting to say the least! It's going to be fun though, get to go through all my yarn and plan and play! The first project entered in as finished is the baby afghan that I made for my sister (due in Oct).....but no pictures cause I don't want her peeking.
I think I am going to take next week and get my computer organized as well as getting my stash entered into the computer.....and well maybe it will get done in a couple years...LOL! I see this as another excuse to do some mobile blogging...well picture blogging...after all a picture is worth a thousands words, right?!? I wish now that I would have taken pics of my craft room before and after I organized it...well it is still a work in progress so I may just do that anyway, while going through my stash.
I'm going to go through all of my social profiles and networking sites and get those updated......some of them are just going to get deleted, so my list here will get smaller and smaller. Ya know, I need to also get my pictures organized. I have thousands of pictures that have no names, that I have just put onto the computer in a folder somewhere to be dealt with later just to empty the memory card on the camera....that needs some attention as well! I am going to have to decide the best way and place to organize my online pics.....I have stuff sooooo scattered!